Just Like Oprah...

"How did I let this happen again?"

Oprah put it out there in her January issue and now so will I.

On November 1, 2001 back in Atlanta, three co-workers and I decided that this year, we wouldn't gain weight during the holidays. This year, we would lose. It was like a switch had flipped in my head and I was finally able to do what I needed to do. I followed "Carb Addicts" religiously, worked out cardio and weights every workday and lost about 20 pounds over a 6-month period. It was a manageable and healthy weight loss rate averaging a little less than a pound a week. It was no crash diet. I mean, I ate 4 ginger snaps f0r desert after dinner every night the whole time I was losing! I felt that I had really found the balance that my body requires to be healthy.

I gained around five pounds back, but held it together for several years. I let myself have "treats" a couple of times a week and kept to my workout. Here's what I still looked like in August of 2004 -- healthy and strong, probably in the best shape of my life:

In the next two years, I gained a few more pounds back, but not really anything that anyone else would notice. I was getting away with a LOT of bad eating because I kept to my workout routine religiously (Monday through Friday, cardio & weights). This picture was taken in June of 2006, and I was still feeling pretty good & fairly healthy and reasonably satisfied with where I was, though the shorts I'm wearing were my "fat shorts" purchased specifically for that trip, and intended to accommodate those few extra pounds I'd picked back up (truth be told, I was probably up 10 lbs from my lowest, but I promised myself that would be as bad as I would let myself get):

A year and a half ago, my company experienced its first layoff in history. My job responsibilities changed, and took responsibility for a work group that was on night hours only, in addition to my other responsibilities. I arranged my schedule so that I would swing through to see them each morning before I went on to my workout. The problem with this was, depending on how many issues they had to go over, I might be a little late or a lot late or crazy late getting to my gym. The weights portion of my workout fell by the wayside most days. Some days, I only got there in time to take a shower and head back to work. Worse yet, I started REALLY feeding my stress.

Like Oprah, I'm a stress eater. Actually, I just love food. I'll eat when I'm happy, eat when I'm stressed, eat for comfort, eat to celebrate, eat just because I'm bored. I have to remain constantly vigilant, eating right and exercising every day to not balloon up rapidly. What I learned about myself in "Carb Addicts" was that eating one carb makes me crave more. And more. And more. And working out less and less and less. For the last year and a half.

So here I stand, 38 pounds heavier than my lowest. Those fat shorts from two years ago? I can barely get them zipped while holding my breath. And I read what Oprah wrote, and it's all true for me: "So here I stand, 40 pounds heavier than I was in 2006. I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?'"

It's so embarrassing to go public with this, though it's unlikely I was fooling anyone. And if Oprah can admit this to millions of people, the least I can do is admit it to myself and my few dozen loyal blog readers.

And maybe by going public, it'll help me stick to it this time.

Again.

(sigh)

And so I've restarted.

Again.

(sigh, again)

My target this time is to get to the level I maintained from roughly 2003 to 2007. So I've got 28 pounds to shed.

I'm down a whopping two pounds for my first two weeks back on track. I'll take it. A pound at a time. That's how I did it last time, and that's how I'll do it this time. Hopefully Oprah and I can both make it and, more importantly, both make it STICK this time.